Waking up
by ithestrup2013
Summary: Edward saves Bella from being bitten by James, but cannot control his inner demon and winds up biting her himself. Now a vampire, Bella struggles to come to terms with her new life as a newborn vampire and the betrayel Edward committed when he declared his true intentions about her before attacking her. Jasper/Bella pairing
1. Chapter 1

_A/N:_ This is my first attempt at at facfic so please be gentle with me :) I apologise in advance for any mistakes in spelling and grammar - English is my sencond language

In this story Edward is in time to stop James from biting Bella, before he attacks her himself in a rage of bloodlust - enjoy :)

_Disclaimer_: I own nothing, all recognisable parts of twilight belongs to their rightful owners.

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_"I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. I could see, through the long tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape coming toward me." (Quote from Twilight chapter 22 – All rights belong to their rightful owners)_

**BPOV**

A loud crash dimly registered and James' dark shape stopped short, turning his head away from me with a sadistic smile playing on his lips. With a massive effort I turned my head in the direction of the sound and was rewarded with a sound I thought I had heard for the last time.

"She's MINE" sounded across the studio, a growl twisting the melodic voice of my Edward.

In front of me I heard a chuckle come from James as he eyed the newcomer, before Edward crashed in to him and the two of them flew across the room. I fought to keep my eyes open, desperate to know what happened to them, breathing through my mouth to avoid the nauseating smell of blood that was trying to pull me under. My eye sight cleared enough to see Edward, with his back to me, ripping the head off of James with a sickening screech and toss it across the room.

A sense of relief spread through me thinking it was over; I was safe now with Edward. He turned around and stalked towards me, looking every bit the animalistic monster he always warned me he was with the way he moved. The light in the room was too dim, in my state of semi-consciousness, to see him properly across the room and it wasn't until he kneeled beside me that I saw that his eyes were the darkest black with a demonic glint in them. Instead of looking me in the eyes, he eyed the wound on my head and the blood that had spread from there to the front of my shirt.

"Such a waste, if he only knew how precious your blood was, he wouldn't have wasted it like this" Edwards voice was twisted with a sadistic glee. "I didn't keep you around so you could die on me before I got a taste!"

Panic rose up from within me as I saw Edward lean in closer and put his lips to my throat. My feeble attempts to struggle were useless against him as I felt his sharp teeth pierce the skin. I tried to scream at him, reason with him, anything really, but I was too weak from all of the blood I had already lost and only pathetic whimpers would make it across my lips. His iron-like arms came around me to hold me to him and I started to slip into the darkness once again. Just before I was pulled under I was suddenly dropped to the floor, the pain in my leg and head making me aware that I had moved. My head had landed on the side and through the dimness of the approaching darkness; I could see a massive shape battling Edward. I couldn't focus for long, my eyes clamped together as a burning pain unlike anything I ever felt before started in my throat. Somewhere in my mind I briefly registered cool hands brushing over my leg and head and murmured voices sounded around me. I tried to tell them about the burning that was spreading, tried to move my hand to put the fire out, but something was holding it back. New fires started in my wrists and over my heart, spreading, taking me over and threatening to drown me in a sea of fire.

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**JPOV**

I barged in the door of the ballet studio, Carlisle and Emmett hot on my heels. The rest of the family wasn't far behind. In my mind I could still hear Alice's scream of terror as she saw a vision of Edward attacking Bella, draining her of blood while she lay crumpled on the floor. We had sent Edward ahead of us, because of his speed, in an attempt to get there in time to save her, but apparently we had overestimated his ability to resist her blood. Our keen sense of hearing was able to pick up the last sentence he had said before biting her:

"I didn't keep you around so you could die on me before I got a taste!"

I shared an abhorred look with Carlisle right before I crashed through the door. We were met with sight of my _brother_, his inner demon fully unleashed as he fed on the blood of the human girl we had all come to care for and he supposedly loved. Emmett pushed past me, his face a mask of fury. He grabbed a hold of Edward, his brute strength forcing Edward to let go of her, while he dragged him to the other side of the room in vampire speed.

I knew Emmett was capable of handling Edward, and the girls would arrive in a second to help him, so I went to Bella along with Carlisle.

"I have to stop the flow of blood from her head and neck if she is to make it through the transformation, but she needs more venom in her system or else her heart will give out" Carlisle's voice was strained with determination.

"I'll do it" I answered picking up her wrist and biting down before he could stop me, pushing as much venom as I could into the small wound, barely registering the small amount blood released with the bite, repeating the process on her other wrist and over her heart.

"That's enough now, Jasper, listen…"

I raised my head as my hearing picked up the first of her screams as the venom spread through her system.

Fierce snarls were coming from across the room where Emmett, and now Rosalie an Alice, had Edward pinned to the floor, Esme standing on the sideline. Secure in the knowledge that Bella would make it and Carlisle had it under control, I made my way over to the rest of my family.

"Start a fire with the floorboards and burn the remains of the tracker" I said to Esme, who with a pained expression on her face turned away from her first son to complete the task.

I turned towards a struggling Edward sensing the extreme bloodlust, determination and hatred coming from him. I sent a wave of extreme lethargy and calm at him, hoping to calm him down and avoid having to kill him in front of our parents.

It took effect and Edward became a barely conscious rag doll. I could still feel the hate and bloodlust underneath my influence, but as long as I kept my focus he would be manageable. Alice had switched places with Carlisle who was now standing next to me his emotions a mix of regret and sorrow.

"Can you keep him like that till we get to the airport?" he asked

"Yes" my voice was unwavering steel "after what he's done it will be my pleasure, but I can't guarantee he will be himself again when I release him"

"Right now we can't be sure the Edward we knew is the man he is" Carlisle was full of sorrow for his son as he answered. "We'll send him to Denali for the time being while we take care of Bella, they will be able to keep an eye on him."

"What will we do with Bella" Emmett asked, his foot planted solidly on Edwards back to keep him down in case my focus slipped. It wouldn't, but I enjoyed the visual nonetheless.

"We should bring her to the property in Northern Canada. It should be remote enough to ease her transition to our way of life without incident." I said, my background in the newborn armies kicking in. "She will be too volatile and unrestrained to keep in vicinity of Forks without risking her coming across someone she knows and kill them."

"We can't all leave Forks; it will raise too much suspicion with her death. What do you suggest Alice?" Carlisle spoke in a normal voice knowing she would hear him over Bellas screams.

Alice got that faraway look in her eyes that she gets while having visions.

"Jasper and Esme will take her to Canada, while Emmett and Rose drop Edward off at Denali before meeting Carlisle and I back in Forks. We will stay for three months to avoid suspicion. We will say Bella crashed her car on her way to phoenix, where Edward stayed too overcome with grief to come back. Esme went after him and took him to relatives in Alaska where Jasper joined them to support his brother in the move and transfer to a new school. Emmett, Rose and I will continue school in Forks till we can 'transfer' to the same school as Edward and jasper over the summer when Carlisle gets a new job in Alaska." She answered

"You'll be willing to keep an eye on her? Make sure she doesn't do anything she'll regret?" Carlisle asked me, worry a clear dominant in his emotions.

I nodded "If there is anything my past has taught me, it is how to handle a newborn vampire. I'll make sure she won't harm Esme or do anything she'll regret. Esme might even be able to help keep her calm."

"It's settled then, though I hate to break up the family this way" Carlisle answered. "Let's get going before anybody hears the screams."

Rose had helped Esme burn the tracker and returned with her to where the rest of us stood by Edward, Esme's eyes fixed on a screaming Bella on the floor next to Alice.

Carlisle whipped out his phone, ordering people on the other end to ready two private jets at the international airport. One to take Emmett, Rosalie and Edward to Alaska, and one to take the rest of use to Canada with a landing in Forks. We would have to bribe the pilot flying the plane to Alaska to accept Bella as a patient of Carlisle's without paperwork to give a reason for the screaming, but Alice was sure it was going to work.

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A/N: Thank you for reading :) please leave a review to give me tips and pointers on how to proceed with this story. I should have the Next chapter ready either tonight or tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_ Thank you to those of you who have read the first chapter, and especially those of you who have posted a review :)

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own anything, every recognisable part of twilight in this fanfic belongs to SM and whoever else holds the rights.

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**BPOV**

I was burning, flames licking every inch of my body and molten lava had replaced the blood in my veins. Where was the sweet release of death? Surely people died from this, and I could have sworn I was about to die when the sweet emptiness had tried to pull me under before the fire started. How did I get here? What did I do that caused me to be burning like this? I vaguely remembered Edwards twisted face as he leaned down and placed his lips at my throat. But he had saved me from James, didn't he? The constant fire made it hard to focus on a line of thought.

He had bitten me! Was I becoming vampire? That must be what the burning meant, but I was confused… he had proclaimed his love for me, yet he had attacked me after getting rid of James, talking about me like I had been a long awaited dessert he had worked hard for.

The despair and loneliness that came along with this realization only seemed to make the fiery hell I had landed in worse. I was alone now, he had never loved me – I had just been a temptation to keep around till the right moment presented itself. It never made sense for him to love me anyway, it was too good to be true, and why hadn't I listened to my gut before?

I let the fire consume me, unwilling to continue that line of thought.

I could feel my mind expanding and with it returned the ability to sense my surroundings again. The pain did not diminish, almost the opposite, instead I was now capable of thinking of several things at once. In an effort to distract myself from some of the pain I tried to listen to my surroundings. Screaming unlike any I had ever heard before was the most dominant sound, and it took what seemed like forever, to figure out that the screaming was coming from me… I was scared, panicked, why hadn't anybody heard me scream yet?

"She's starting to panic again, try talking to her Esme, she should be able to hear you by now" a male voice said, wait – how would he know what I'm feeling? A memory floated up of a beautiful and pale vampire with honey blond curls and a pained expression on his face next to a little pixie of a female with short black spikey hair– Jasper! Alice! He was able to sense my feelings. Memories of the Cullen family came flooding back through the burning that enveloped my thoughts. A soft sobbing, that came from the same place as Jaspers voice, quieted.

"I'm so sorry we were late sweetie; that we couldn't save you! But you're going to be ok, you're going to be one of us now, and we will take care of you" a female voice I recognized as Esme's said softly as cool fingers touched my hand. She sounded sad, pained.

I wasn't alone! They had come for me and I was going to be one of them. Relief flooded my consciousness at her words. The woman I had come to know as my second mother was here, where ever that was, watching over me.

"The pain is only temporary, it will get better" Esme's voice choked on the words as I unconsciously screamed again with the pain.

I knew my screams were hurting her, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew they didn't do any good either, but I couldn't seem to stop.

The burning continued getting stronger, and I let myself be consumed again while listening to Esme's soft voice over my screams.

At some point my hearing improved as well as the room in my head getting exponentially bigger. Esme's voice was clearer now, and I could hear breathing net to her.

"It'll only be a day now, her heart rate is picking up" Jaspers said next to Esme.

I tried to distract myself from the burning, thinking of all the good memories I had had before it started, but it was hard because the last moments before Edward attacked me kept replaying like a sick slideshow of my worst nightmare, his betrayal cutting me deep every time, fueling the flames.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the fire began to recede from my fingertips and toes. I had been sure the fire couldn't get any worse than it was, but instead of the fire in my extremities dying it travelled towards my heart. As the flames receded more from my arms and legs, and now the top of my head, my heart kept burning hotter and hotter. I tried desperately to claw my heart out of my chest to relieve some of the pain, but something was holding me down, pinning me the surface I was lying on.

"It's almost over now Bella" Jasper said next to me, and I realized he must be the thing that is holding me down.

He sounded so sure of himself, that it must be true that this burning hell don't go on forever, I'll be a vampire soon. It offered some hope, but the all-consuming pain in my chest was too distracting for the thought to offer any comfort.

The pain in my chest slowly centered around my heart, a piece of it remaining in my throat. My heart now beating so wildly, some corner of my mind registering that soon it must be jumping out of my chest with the movement.

Jasper must have let go of me, because the restraining force holding me down lifted shortly before the pain in my chest peaked. My heart stuttered a couple of times before coming to a stop while the pain in my chest diminished and moved to my throat.

I could hear breathing in the corner of the room and somewhere farther away, though I'm not quite sure where. I opened my eyes. Everything was so clear. The human memories I had held on to while I burned seemed to have been seen through a foggy pane of glass compared to this. I could see every particle of dust around me, every fiber of wood in the wood ceiling above me. I was entranced, the burning in my throat pushed to the back of my mind while I studied the ceiling and the air around me.

"Bella"

Jasper called to me, his voice more beautiful and melodic than my human memories gave it credit for. Before I had made the conscious decision to sit up and look for the voice, I was already up surprising and frankly scaring myself with the movement. I looked around me. I was in a room with wooden walls ceiling and floor. Instead of windows the wall to my right was glass, with a forest and an overcast sky outside. I was on a simple bed, the only furniture in the room besides a couple of paintings on the walls. A couple of yards away in front of me stood Jasper, blocking the view of the door. Not being able to see the door irked med somehow, though I had no idea why. He was dressed in loose fitting jeans with at deep green long sleeved t-shirt, his golden hair in messy curls surrounding his face that was set in a stern expression. My eyes fell to the crescent shaped scars littering the skin where his shirt exposed them on his neck and wrists. I knew somewhere deep down that I was supposed to be scared of them, that he was a threat because whoever caused those scars must still be after him, but I couldn't help stare at the way the soft light in the room made them shimmer and stand out. They were beautiful, and I longed to touch them.

Slowly though, the instinct declaring the cause of the scars a threat became more and more persistent taking up more space in my head till I couldn't ignore it anymore and found myself backed up into the corner on the opposite side of the room before I could even blink. Jasper just kept standing there, a slightly perplexed look on his face, but remained impassive. A snarl escaped my lips before I could stop it and I sank down into an automatic defensive crouch my eyes searching for the threat my instincts were telling me were coming after him and by extension me. I was confused, scared that I was unable to control the way I was acting, and overwhelmed by the instinctive part of myself screaming at me that I needed to protect myself. The logical part of my brain telling me that I was safe, that Jasper was the only one in the room, almost vanished in the background as my instincts kept blaring at me, bringing with them the burning in the back of my throat at an almost unbearable level.

A strange sense of calm surrounded me trying to invade the jumble of instincts my mind had become. It felt wrong, false and I wanted it gone. I put my hands to my head sinking to the floor on my knees, squeezing my eyes shut trying to push the haze of false calm away so I could get some room to think. It almost felt as though something in my mind clicked and the invading feeling disappeared leaving me space to try and sort out my jumbled thoughts. I slowly opened my eyes again and lifted my head. An orb of transparent energy surrounded me and through it I could see Jasper with a shocked and disbelieving expression on his face.

One of my hands went from grasping my head to clutching at my throat, the burning, dry feeling there now the focus thing on my mind now that my instincts were telling me I was safe from the invading calmness at the potential threat my instincts told me were coming. I was frustrated; logically I knew jasper was the only one in the room, that the other breathing I heard was most likely Esme who had sat with me while I burned, but my instincts were screaming that whoever caused the scars on jasper was coming and I couldn't let it go.

"Bella" Jasper said my name again taking a step back, his features softening and his pose relaxing a bit. "I'm not a threat to you, I only want to help."

"I know" I whispered, and the shocked expression was back "but my mind keeps screaming at me that whoever did that to you is coming, and then that invading calmness… I didn't want it, it was distracting me." My voice was a rambling whisper but I knew he would hear it all the same.

The deeply buried logical part of my brain was telling me that the calmness had been Jasper trying to help me like he did when he was human, but I had a hard time listening to it with my senses and instincts in overdrive and the burning in my throat getting worse.

"Bella" his voice was soft, apologetic "The scars you see doesn't mean someone is coming after me, they mean that I have spent a long time fighting our kind and won. The calmness you felt was me trying to use my gift on you to help you, trying to help."

His voice was like a balm to my frayed instincts and I tried to focus on his steady breathing to calm down, but the burning in my throat kept getting worse and harder to think around. I needed something… Blood, I was a vampire now, like them. Memories of Edward talking about hunting with his family came to mind, but he hadn't told me how to do it, only that they preyed on animals instead of humans to drink their blood. I was getting desperate, I needed blood, but I didn't know how to get it.

A whimper escaped my lips as I sat in my little protective bubble, my hand trying to soothe the burn from the outside.

"You need to hunt, it will soothe the burn. Let me show you how." His voice was worried, and he had slipped into a crouch to better look me in the eyes.

"You would do that?" my voice was small, even to my own ears, my eyes seeking his. "You're sure that there is no danger?"

"Yes Bella, and I'll protect you if there's any sign of trouble, you can be sure of that"

My mind was getting clearer, more organized as my instincts settled on the truth that there was no immediate danger and I felt as well as saw the protective bubble disappear.

I reached my hand out the same time as he came closer. Our hands touched, and the last of the instincts calmed, leaving only the burning in my throat. He helped me stand, his kind eyes looking from me to the forest outside the window.

"You ready for your first hunt?" a smile played on his lips and for the first time I noticed the slight southern drawl to his voice.

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_A/N: Thank you for reading :) Next chapter will be Jaspers POV and the first hunt :) please post a review to tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: _Thank you all for reading so far, especially those of you who have decided to take time out of your lives to leave me a review, they mean the world to me. Also a thanks to those of you who follow the story and/or have added it to his/her favorites list, you're the best ;)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, any recognizable part of twilight belongs to SM and whoever holds the rights.

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**JPOV**

I leaned my head back against the wall, closing my eyes in concentration. It was getting harder and harder to read Bellas emotions. It was like thinking back to one of my few human memories as a child where my mother had presented me with the first ripe strawberry of the summer and almost being able to taste it again– almost, because no matter how hard I tried the taste wouldn't be as strong and clear as the real thing, just like now when her emotions weren't as strong and clear as they should be. Bella had always been easy to read before the transformations began. Her emotions were almost always positive, accepting, caring – pure, unlike most humans we came into contact with, it was a relief really. Sometimes I found myself gravitating towards it before Edwards glaring or the burn in my throat would snap me out of it.

A sense of rising panic started to overrule the other faint emotions coming from her, the feel of it becoming clearer.

"She's starting to panic again, try talking to her Esme; she should be able to hear you by now"

I didn't want to interfere unless I had to, whatever thoughts she was having while she burned she needed to process or else they would linger in her new life.

Esme had started talking to her, holding her hand. We were in one of the smaller rooms in our mansion like cabin in a remote part of the Northwestern territories in Canada. It was a two-stories building nestled in the trees by the side of a small lake. A rough dirt road was the only way in and out and helped to keep unwanted human visitors out. The building itself had walls made of dark wood and logs with the southern and northern wall made entirely out of glass. Tall windows on the wooden walls brought light into the rooms that didn't face one of the glass walls. A large high-ceilinged living-room took up one end of the house facing the southern glass-wall with a view of the lake. A staircase lead up to six bedrooms with adjoining bathrooms four of which had already been inhabited by the family, leaving the two smaller ones empty. Downstairs held the game-room and the garage. Esme hadn't bothered with a kitchen when we build this house, since its location was so remote, that human visitors were avoided.

We had stripped the room of anything but the bed, the chair Esme was sitting on and the paintings on the walls. Newborn vampires usually didn't react that well when they first woke up, so we had taken the precaution to remove the antique furniture that had been placed in the room prior to our arrival.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket.

I fished it out checking the caller id, it was Rosalie.

"I'll take this outside and then I'll go for a quick hunt before she wakes up. Keep talking to her and call me if there are any changes." I spoke in a low hurried tone to Esme, seeing her nod slightly before I took off.

I answered the call a couple of seconds later when I made it outside.

"How did it go?"

Carlisle had called ahead of them to warn Carmen and Eleazar and ask for their help, which they had immediately given.

"Emmett had to pin him down for the entire flight after he woke up. He kept screaming at us for ruining everything. He should praise himself lucky that I didn't rip something off him on the way, but fortunately I know ways to get to him that doesn't involve that kind of violence, though it would have been fun."

I didn't have to be able to read Rosalie's emotions to be able to tell by the tone of her voice that Edward had gotten to her, not to mention the fact that he had condemned Bella to the life of a vampire. Rose may not have liked Bella much, but one of the reasons for that was that she thought she was throwing her life away on someone who didn't deserve it - and boy was she right on that one, but that didn't mean that she wanted Bella to get hurt.

"What did you do, Rose?" I couldn't help keep the smirk out of my voice.

"Let's just say that I enjoy the collective works of Justin Bieber translated into 47 different languages."

I chuckled at that one.

"It was worth it though, not ripping him apart. I have never seen Carmen like that before. Both she and Eleazar ripped him a new one and she came within an inch of ripping off his arms. The best part though was Tanya's way of throwing herself at him after they were done screaming at him. She must have been thinking something colorful, because the look on his face when we left were that of a man convicted to torture. Serves him right though."

"Sounds like they'll be able to keep him in place until we can figure out what the hell went wrong."

My mind started whirling at that one; what the hell had I missed? I mean I thought the emotions coming from Edward when he was near Bella was love, but clearly I must have missed something.

"They better, or I'll personally make him familiar with the life of a eunuch if he comes back before Bella asks for him."

I whole-heartedly agreed with that one.

"I'll hold him down for you."

"How's she doing?"

"How anybody going through the transformation would be doing. Esme's talking to her right now, and it seems to be helping her calm down, but her emotions are getting harder to read so I can't be sure she's not hiding anything."

"What do you mean her emotions are getting harder to read?" Rose sounded confused.

"Just that; it's like they're there, but not really. I think it may have something to do with why Edward couldn't read her mind, but there's no way to be sure until she wakes up."

"All right; look I gotta go drag Emmett on board our flight back to Forks, but you better call Carlisle and let him know about Bella, maybe he will have some insights."

"I will"

I ended the call and let out a frustrated huff. Bellas continuous screaming had been getting to me, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. I mean I was the god damn Major of the southern vampire wars, a brutal and fierce killer. I had slaughtered countless humans and newborns for decades, and never once had the sound of their screaming elicited any kind of emotion from me. In fact it often spurred me on; unleashing my inner demon who reveled in their screams, making me even more vicious in my dealings with them. But something about the sound of Bella was different, or maybe I was just getting soft in my old age.

I decided there was no time like the present, and brought out my phone again to call Carlisle. He picked up before it barely had a chance to ring, probably Alice's doing.

"Hello Jasper, how is it going?"

"Like you would expect, though it's getting harder to read her emotions, it' s like they're there, but not – well either that or she's found some kind of dimmer switch for them."

"Interesting, seems like our Bella might be gifted. It's probably connected to whatever made Edward unable to read her mind, but we won't know anything for sure before she wakes up and we can get her to meet Eleazar."

"That's the theory I was getting to as well; it should only be 32 hours now before she wakes up and we will know more. Did you stage the accident yet?"

"Yes. Alice took care of that the minute we got back. She drove the truck a couple hundred miles before she crashed it and set it on fire. It will burn enough that they won't expect to find a body. I just hope that in time she will forgive us for this."

"Me too, but there's nothing we can do but be there for her and show her that she still has a family despite what Edward was capable of doing."

"You're right. How did your flight from Forks go?"

"You know there's nothing like a good dose of southern charm, a little manipulation of the emotions and a healthy tip to make them ignore that the screaming girl in the back is still on board even though the doctors not." I drawled, laying on my southern accent thick.

"Good to hear. Make sure you call me if there's any change with Bella."

"Sure will"

Once again I ended the call and stuffed the phone in my back pocket. I noticed with a hint of annoyance the constant burn in the back of my throat was getting worse. Grateful that I had time for a quick hunt before Bella woke up I took off for the woods that surrounded the house. I knew it wouldn't do to be on edge because of my thirst around a newborn, I needed that clarity that came from having recently fed to be able to handle all the volatile emotions and reactions that I normally associated with a newborn. Even though Bellas emotions somehow seemed to be muted I didn't want to take any chances.

I ran swiftly through the forest, opting for the quick meal as I came across a couple of elk. I drained them quickly, feeling the relief their blood gave to my burning throat. Finally somewhat satiated I started to walk back towards the house at a human pace, needing the downtime before I returned to the house.

I knew I shouldn't be away for long, and not just because Bellas transformation was moving into the last phase, but because something inside me felt off now that I wasn't near the house. But I was selfish, I needed time to sort out my head and enjoy the feeling of only being in the company of my own emotions before I returned.

That was something Alice always had a hard time understanding, my need for solitude. When you're able to feel other people's emotions like they're your own, sometimes the line becomes blurry between what you feel and what everyone else feels. So every once in a while I would take extended hunting trips by myself; enjoying the solitude and the freedom of not having to relate to what everyone else is feeling. When I eventually came back, Alice would always give me hell about it. Sometimes even for days depending on how long I had been gone. We never did have the kind of relationship that Carlisle and Esme did or even Rosalie and Emmett. We were always more private, more prone to get into lasting arguments. Even when we were intimate she would sometime ask me to keep my shirt on so she didn't have to see the full extent of my scarring, or she would simply just keep her eyes closed. She argued it was because she didn't want to be distracted by the instinctual fear the scarring caused, marking me as dangerous, while we were intimate and I had never really questioned it. Fear was the natural response to the scars, they were a billboard poster to any vampire that ever came near me that I had fought and won against hundreds of our kind and therefore posed a significant threat. That Alice had the same reaction to them, even when we were intimate, would bother me sometimes. I hated that I could never escape my past even for a single moment and it made me self-conscious about covering up my scars.

To top it off Alice had been withdrawing from me over the past couple of years. The time in between we were intimate would grow until we stopped a year ago. I would feel like the biggest prick on the planet every time I would confront her about it and she only ever answered that she had her reasons, and that they were important but she couldn't tell me.

I put my fist in a nearby tree when I thought of that, enjoying the splintering sound that followed as the tree fell to the ground.

The house came into view then, time to snap out of my little pity-party.

I made my way upstairs through the house, and resumed my position next to Esme, where she sat holding Bellas small hand and talking about everything and nothing in a soothing tone trying to calm her down.

It was working. As I closed my eyes to concentrate I could sense that a small amount of relief and hope had mixed in with the pain, fear and betrayal that were the dominant emotions.

I relayed my phone calls to Esme in a hushed tone.

And that's how we stayed, keeping vigilant over the writhing and screaming form of Bella. After a while we could hear a change in her heartbeat, the pace of it increasing.

"It'll only be a day now, her heart rate is picking up" I said mostly to Esme but keeping the volume loud enough for Bella to hear if she was able.

She heard it; the small amount of hope she was feeling, that was buried underneath the pain of the transformation, increased along with a small amount of doubt.

Another twelve hours passed. Her screams had diminished, become farther apart and she had stopped thrashing around. Right now she was lying as still as any vampire could, the only movement was her shallow breathing after her last scream. You could start to really see the changes the venom had caused. Her injuries from the ballet studio were long healed, her skin had become even paler than when she was human, her hair had become thicker, the mahogany color of it had become more intense and the small human flaws of her face had disappeared. She almost looked like a full vampire by now if you didn't count the erratic heartbeat and shallow breathing.

A short while later the nature of her screams changed, becoming more intense. She started moving again, her hands reaching for her chest in what I knew was an attempt to claw her heart out. This was the worst part of the transformation, just when you experience a relief from the burning in your extremities the fire moves to your heart making you wish it would just explode already. I moved in and pinned her arms to her side. I knew she probably wouldn't be able to hurt herself, but I didn't want to risk it. There was a lot of things I didn't want to risk with Bellas transformation, but I didn't allow myself time to dwell on it, that could come later.

"It's almost over now Bella"

I wouldn't be long now. Her stuttering heart was closing in on beating for the last time.

"I think it's best if you go to the other end of the house Esme, there's no reason to overwhelm her newborn senses with more vampires in the room than necessary." I whispered to Esme. She nodded and left the room.

I wasn't trying to be mean, but the moment newborns wake up their senses are in overdrive and usually telling them any vampire close is an enemy. I had been dealing with newborns for decades during the war, my job being to train them and then to dispose of them when they had stopped being of use. My dealing with them were different than what it was going to be with Bella, but I knew that it would be easiest to get her to calm down if there weren't any distractions for her in the room. The kind of distraction Esme would pose until Bellas newborn instincts would calm enough for her to recognize Esme.

I released the hold I had on her when I heard her heart stutter and moved to stand in front of the door a couple of yards from the foot of the bed. Her heart stuttered for the last time before it came to a stop, the sound of our breathing the only sound in the room.

I took the stance of the major that I had adopted so long ago during the never ending vampire war, expecting her to sense the presence of a vampire in the room and attack at any moment now.

Her eyes opened and I could see the distinct red color of a newborn in them, but she just kept lying on the bed gazing up at the ceiling. Her emotions were a little easier to read now that she wasn't burning and I didn't have Esme in the room to distract me. I could sense the overwhelming thirst she was experiencing, but overriding that was a sense of awe and wonder as she looked up at the small details in the ceiling. This was something I had not experienced before. Usually newborns were so overcome by their thirst that they didn't stop to wonder at the brilliance of the world through their new eyesight before they had fed.

"Bella" I said her name softly, not wanting to scare her.

She sat up instantly. Shock and a small dose of fear ran through her as she realized how fast she had moved. I was prepared for her to attack when her eyes landed on me, but she never did. When her eyes landed on me I could see recognition on her face. When her gaze then went to the scars visible at my collar and sleeves I felt her curiosity and intrigue with a dose of fascination, awe and a hint of longing instead of the fear and rage I was expecting. Slowly though, fear became the dominant emotion causing her to jump of the bed to the corner in the far end of the room, taking a defensive crouch, a snarl escaping her lips. Her eyes kept darting around the room, not pinpointing me as the threat, but searching. I was confused; this was not how any newborn I had ever encountered had reacted. I could sense her panic rising and decided it was time for me to step in and use my powers to try and calm her.

I focused on a sense of calm and serenity and tried to project it to her. I wasn't sure what effect it was going to have, since her emotions were still muted to me, but I would at least try.

As I started to project the feeling of calm her eyes became wide, focusing on nothing in particular, before her hands went to her head as if she were in pain and she sank to her knees in the corner of the room, squeezing her eyes shot. Barely a second later a transparent orb of energy appeared around her and I stopped being able to sense her emotions entirely.

I had not expected this. I was sure the shock and disbelieve I was feeling was plain on my face for anyone to see. This was after all the first time in my 150 years on this planet as a vampire that I was not able to sense a person's emotions whatsoever. She was obviously projecting some kind of shield ad that must be why I'm not able to feel her. I took a small step back relaxing my pose and features to appear as non-threatening as I could while not moving too much. Her eyes opened again appearing large and round, focusing on me, while a hand moved from her head to her throat. Her face as wary, searching and by the placement of her hand she was thirsty, that much was apparent.

"Bella" I called to her again, keeping my voice calm, hoping it would help now that I couldn't reach her with my gift. "I'm not a threat to you, I only want to help."

"I know."

Her voice was barely a whisper, but I heard it clear as day. Yet again I couldn't keep the shock I felt at her small statement from registering on my face. She hadn't registered me as the threat? Bella has got to be the first vampire, newborn or mature, not to be afraid of me. But what was she afraid of then? Before I could ask she continued, her voice the same whisper as before.

"But my mind keeps screaming at me that whoever did that to you are coming, and then that invading calmness… I didn't want it, it was distracting me."

The surprises just kept on coming. Not only was she able to figure out what her instincts were telling her and that alone takes months usually, she was afraid of who caused my scars and not me for having them, and that was something I had never met before. I found myself explaining my scars for the first time in my existence.

"Bella, the scars you see don't mean someone is coming after me, they mean that I have spent a long time fighting our kind and won. The calmness you felt was me trying to use my gift on you trying to help."

I kept it brief, not wanting to explain my dark past while she was this frightened. I felt bad that it was my influence that had triggered her to raise her shield and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't try to use my power on her again until we knew more about how her shield worked.

The frantic look in her eyes calmed, but a whimper escaped her lips as her hand started rubbing her throat and a look of desperation overtook her features. Her thirst was getting worse, I had to hurry up and get her to let down her shield to take her hunting before she lost contact with whatever thread of logic she held on to.

"You need to hunt, it will soothe the burn. Let me show you how."

I slipped into a crouch, aware to keep my movements slow and non-threatening, letting the worry I felt show in my voice as I spoke, while trying to look her in the eyes.

"You would do that?"

Her voice was small, frightened.

"You're sure that there is no danger?"

"Yes Bella, and I'll protect you if there's any sign of trouble, you can be sure of that"

I kept my voice calm and sure trying to impress upon her the conviction I had in my words by the tone in my voice. And I was going to protect her. This precious girl who didn't fear me because of my scars but feared for me instead, who had been turned on by the person she had loved the most. I would make sure nothing happened to her. I may have been too late to stop Edward, but I would not be too late again.

I held her gaze and watched as her frantic fear and desperation started to settle and calm. After a couple of seconds her protective bubble disappeared and I could once again feel her emotions, though they were still muted.

She reached out her tiny hand and I moved forward to take it, keeping my movements almost humanly slow. As our hands connected, and I helped her stand, I felt a sense of peace settle within me and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she had calmed as well.

"You ready for your first hunt?"

I smiled at her and looked from her to the forest outside.

A small smile started to appear on her lips and she got a glint in her eye as she nodded timidly.

I tugged on her hand leading her towards one of the windows set into the glass wall. When I opened it and let go of her hand to jump out I felt a wave of confusion and fear coming from where she stood behind me.

I looked back with my signature smirk on my lips.

"It's faster to get outside this way, and besides its fun."

"But it's a long way down, won't you get hurt?"

I didn't want to remind her of the way Edward used to enter her room, so instead I said;

"It takes a lot more than that for any vampire to get hurt, just do what I do, and I swear when it's your turn and I see you fall, I'll catch you."

She relaxed somewhat and smiled again, but I could still sense some nervousness.

I stepped out of the window and landed lightly on the ground below. Smiling I turned around to look up at her.

She looked nervous, but she still had a smile on her face and the excited glint in her eye was back. Esme had put her in some jeans and a simple blue sweater that she picked at the hem while she looked down at me. She put her hand on the edge of the window and stepped up on the ledge.

"Promise you'll catch me?"

"Promise, but you'll be fine."

I had stepped back a bit to give her some space.

She jumped out, putting a little more force behind the jump than I think she realized, and landed gracefully at the edge of the woods twenty yards away from me.

Beaming she turned around to look at me and I could feel the giddiness roll off her. I couldn't help but smile widely as I took in her look of pure joy at her accomplishment.

In a second I was beside her again.

"Let's get going."

I said while I took her hand and lead her towards the woods.

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_A/N:_ I know I promised you the first hunt in this chapter, but I decided I wanted to do that in Bellas POV first so I'm saving that for the next chapter, so that's something to look forward too ;)

Anyway a huge thank you for reading this far, and please leave me a review to let me know what you think and if you have any questions.

Stay tuned ;)


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**__ Thank you every one of you who are reading this story and especially those of you who've added me to your fav/follow list and or left a review! You are what makes writing this so much fun. I still have a hard time grasping that there's 100+ followers to this story already, it's overwhelming and I love it! :)_

_Just a quick reminder - English is not my native language and I have no Beta, so I apologize in advance for any and all mistakes you may find. I've read it through a couple of times to get rid of the worst of them, but nobody's perfect and a couple have probably slipped through._

_I know it's been over a week since I last updated, this chapter didn't com quite as easy as the others, but on the other hand this is the longest chapter I've posted yet, so I hope you think it has been worth the wait :)_

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own anything, every recognizable part of twilight in this fanfic belongs to SM and whoever else holds the rights.

* * *

**BPOV**

"You ready for your first hunt?"

I nodded at him, suddenly feeling kind of shy.

Jasper turned towards the window set in the glass wall tugging me with him. He let go of my hand when he turned to open the window and stepped up on the ledge. I felt confused, why did he stand in the window like he was going to jump? Wouldn't it be a better idea just to use the stairs to get outside?

He must have sensed something from me, because in the next second he turned to face me with his signature smirk on his lips.

"It's faster to get outside this way, and besides its fun."

He had to be joking…

"But it's a long way down, won't you get hurt?"

A hazy hint of a memory that I couldn't focus on told me I was being silly, but a lifetime of human clumsiness and the thirst that was scorching my throat prevented me from focusing on it.

"It takes a lot more than that for any vampire to get hurt. Just do what I do, and I swear when it's your turn and I see you fall, I'll catch you."

He was right; I was being silly. I had seen the entire family move with grace and speed, performing movements that would shame any Olympic gymnast, jumping out of a window would probably be child's play. Somewhere in my head in must not have registered that I'm no longer human, because some of the uneasiness about jumping out a window on the second floor stuck with me.

Turning around again he simply stepped out the window, landing silently on his feet on the ground below with all the grace of a feline. Looking up, he smiled encouragingly at me.

I was still nervous, I mean with my luck I would probably be the only clumsy vampire in existence, but he made it look so easy and to be honest kind of fun. I looked down and noticed for the first time that I wasn't wearing any of my own clothes, but a pair of jeans and a blue sweater and black sneakers. Wondering who it was it was that had changed my clothes, I played with the hem of the sweater for a moment before looking up again to find Jasper.

"Promise you'll catch me?"

"Promise, but you'll be fine."

I grabbed on to the edges of the window and stepped up on the ledge. Looking down I saw him take a step back to give me some space.

I pushed off and the moment my feet lost contact with the window, I knew all my fears had been for nothing. My body knew exactly what to do, twisting in the air to absorb the impact when I landed, with the same feline grace as Jasper, near the edge of the woods a good distance away from him.

That was exhilarating and I wanted to do that again, but the burning in my throat reminded me of the reason for my jump. I was grinning though, when I turned to look for him. I saw his answering smile a second before he started running towards me and come to a halt when he was beside me again.

"Let's get going."

Was all he said before he took my hand and we started running into the forest.

I felt like I was flying. The wind whipped past me as I ran as fast as my new legs could carry me. Jasper had eventually let go of my hand and was running in front of me. The smell of green apples, hay and the desert sun that had seemed to cling to him left a trail that was as easy to follow as seeing him right in front of me through the trees. Around me I could see and hear everything. Every leaf of every tree that I passed was crystal clear and every heartbeat and movement of the small animals around me registered in my ears. The sense of exhilaration the speed and the freedom it gave me were intoxicating and I felt like I could go on like this forever and never tire. The sense of speed brought back a human memory that felt like a lifetime ago. I had been clinging on to Edward for dear life, terrified to the bone, as he ran at vampire speed to our meadow. Thinking of Edward brought with it a stabbing sensation of pain when my thoughts moved to my last moment with him, where he had ripped everything we had together away from me.

I almost slowed down for a second, letting the painful memory consume me, before I shook my head to rid myself of the memories, burying them somewhere in the corner of my mind, so they couldn't hurt me while I was enjoying myself like this. I would not let his betrayal to take away the joy and freedom running like this brought me. So I focused my senses to watch for Jasper and the feeling I got with every step I took.

All too soon he slowed down and stopped. I would've run into him had I still been human, but my new senses and reflexes allowed me to stop in time so that I was two feet away from him.

Before I could say anything, he closed the distance between us and put his hands on my shoulders to turn me around. His touch seemed to ground me and I could feel the way his thumps grazed the exposed skin on my neck, creating an electric tingling that would've distracted me far more, had I not been this thirsty.

"Close your eyes"

His voice was soft and guiding and I complied immediately.

"Now, what do you hear?"

'Everything' was the response that rested on the tip of my tongue, but I had a feeling that was not the answer he was looking for.

Focusing, I tried to listen for any sound to stand out.

Two and a half miles east I could hear the sound of a strong and calm heartbeat. The moist sound of it made the flames in my throat go higher and I had a hard time standing still. The urge to run towards the sound that promised relief from the pain I was enduring was almost too hard to ignore and I started tripping almost involuntarily.

"Listen to your instincts Bella, what are they telling you to do?"

I didn't need any more encouragement than that and I let go of the restraint and insecurity that was holding me back.

I sped towards the sound of the heartbeat, my vision taking on a red haze in the edges, the closer I got.

Finally, after what felt like forever, my eyes locked in on a mountain lion walking leisurely through the forest. The scent of it in the wind was earthy and sweet, though not as sweet as a part of my brain told me what I really craved would be. It did the trick though, and the flames in my throat reached unprecedented heights. I couldn't contain myself and I launched at the animal automatically the second I saw it.

My arms went like a steel cable around the animals' body and I wasted no time sinking my teeth into the neck, releasing the sweet liquid that instantly doused the flames, making them become more tolerable. I could feel the tickling sensation of the animals' claws and teeth as it tried to struggle against my hold on it, but it was useless and had no effect on me.

Soon though, the mountain lions movements stopped along with its heart. The red haze edging my vision started to recede when I started to suck out the last drops of blood from the body. Before I finished my sharp senses caught movement at outskirts of my vision and I instantly tensed up waiting for attack. I caught the movement again and something inside me screamed Vampire, making the red haze become stronger once again.

I was aware somehow that I was not in control, instincts had taken over completely along with the red haze lining my vision, urging me to attack before I could be ambushed.

Automatically I sprang at the form lurking in the trees, but before I could get a proper hold of the intruder, strong hands claimed my wrists mid-jump, forcing me to the ground where I was pinned with my arms behind my back.

I didn't even make a conscious decision to struggle, but twisted every way possible, snarls ripping violently from my throat.

Distantly I could hear my name being called in a voice that sounded achingly familiar and soothing, but I was having a hard time placing it in the state that I was in.

After a little while the sound of my name being repeated over and over by that velvety voice broke through the haze of my mind enough for me to realize that it was saying something else as well…

"You have to calm down Bella, I don't want to have to use my gift on you again, so don't force me to."

There was pain in the voice, and that somehow sat wrong with me even in the state that I was in. That beautiful voice shouldn't know what pain was.

It only took a second more to piece together that the beautiful and familiar voice belonged to Jasper, and that it was him holding me down.

I had attacked Jasper! That realization felt like ice water in my veins and I stopped moving instantly, the red haze disappearing like it had never been there to begin with.

Despair and shame washed over me like a tidal wave and I curled up in a fetal position on the forest floor when I felt Jasper release me, fighting to shed tears that would never come. I had attacked him… the one who had tried to help me ever since I woke up to this new life. I had behaved just like HIM… attacking somebody I claimed to care about, someone who was family!

I was sinking quickly into a pit of self-loathing lying there. I don't know how long it took, probably not long, before strong arms picked me up from the ground and I was cradled into Jaspers chest. His arms wrapped around me with one hand stroking the hair on my head, which was tucked underneath his chin. The scent of him calmed me down somewhat combined with his touch.

"You know, you didn't do anything wrong. It was my own fault for trying to find you before I was certain you were done feeding, and for that I'm truly sorry. I was only worried that you'd be able to find your trail back to me."

"What do you mean? I was my fault, I attacked you!"

My voice was small and you could hear the unshed tears in it, though it became stronger towards the end of my sentence.

"Bella, you attacking me was quite a natural reaction that I should have realized would happen if I looked for you too soon. Vampires are naturally very territorial, especially of their prey. When vampires feed, they're in a vulnerable position making all of the survival and self-preservation instincts take over so a threat is detected more easily while feeding. You're a newborn, which means your instincts are very powerful at the moment, making it even more important that you get your space when you feed. Trust me, you did nothing wrong. Actually I'm quite surprised that you were able to calm down so quickly, I barely had to hold you for 20 seconds."

"But that still doesn't make it all right that I attacked you!"

I didn't care that it was some instincts that had made me attack him; it was still horrible of me to have done it.

"Trust me; you're hardly the first in our family to attack over a kill. Rosalie still does it sometimes when one of us gets too close, and she's not even a newborn. And I've been told that even Esme did it a couple of times when she was in her first years of vampire life. You can ask her about it yourself when we get back to the house."

"Esme's here?"

I didn't know why I asked the question, but the memories of her talking to me while I burned were so blurry, that the question was out of my mouth before I realized I already knew the answer.

Jasper just smiled down at me when I looked up before he answered.

"Yes, but I'm afraid she's the only one. The rest of the family is back at Forks to avoid suspicion and _he_ is being watched by our relatives in Denali."

Fear surged through me at the mention of Edward, and I felt the same click in my mind as before when the protective bubble was around me again, only this time Jasper was in here with me, his arms tightening around me in response to my fear.

My hands involuntarily found his shirt and I clung to it, inhaling his scent, while I tried not to panic, which in itself was a challenge because Edwards last words to me played over and over like a sick horror show in my mind…

_'I didn't keep you around so you could die on me before I got a taste!'_

Was he angry at me now that I was one of them and no longer possessed the blood that he had been so obsessed over? Was he going to come after me or hurt me?

"Is Edward going to come after me?"

My voice was barely a whisper and the fear in it was evident.

"We won't let him!"

Jaspers voice had an edge to it that I had never heard before.

"I'm not quite sure what went wrong with him Bella, but trust me on this; you're very important to us and you're a part of the family now. We protect our own, especially from someone we thought were a part of us!"

The determination in his voice eased me somewhat though I didn't feel comfortable enough yet to let go of my protective bubble.

"Right now Edward is half a continent away in Alaska under the watch of five vampires who're all older and more experienced than him. Even if they should fail, Alice will be able to warn us the second he decides to come after you, and last time I spoke to Rosalie after she and Emmett dropped him off in Alaska she promised to do very painful things to him if he ever came near you without you asking for it."

"Why? She never liked me…"

"Rosalie had her own reasons for behaving the way she did and they have nothing to do with you. One day she'll tell you her story and you'll understand her better."

I had hard time believing that. The only human memories I had of Rosalie she was being less than friendly, not that I could blame her though, me knowing about them was a threat to the family.

It didn't take long before Jasper interrupted my musings.

"You know, it's kind of amazing what you're doing right now."

I lifted my head from where I had once again tucked it against his shirt so I could look at the hum of energy that the bubble consisted of. I had absolutely no idea how I was doing it, all I knew was that some self-preservation part of my brain told me it was necessary.

"I don't know how I'm doing it."

I confessed, and if I could I'm sure that I would have blushed.

"Didn't expect you would either, not yet at least. Most vampires with gifts take decades to figure out how they work. I know that Edward and Carlisle discussed at some point the possibility of you being a shield, since he could never read your thoughts, but believe me when I say that none of us ever expected it to be quite this powerful. With a physical shield like this we may not have to worry about you as much as I thought."

I had figured that the bubble of energy around us was protecting me, and right now Jasper too, but a shield? That was news to me.

"I have a shield?"

"Yes," he smiled at me before continuing.

"And a quite rare one at that. I don't think any of us, not even Carlisle, have met or heard of anyone with a gift quite like this. Before when I was at the outside of it back at the house I couldn't read your emotions at all, and even when the shield is down it's like they're muted somehow. But right now, when I'm in here with you, I can read your emotions as clearly as I could when you were human."

"Wow"

Was all I could muster, my head was spinning with all of the new information I was given. Even though it felt like the capacity in my head had increased tenfold, it was still a lot of information to take in combined with the sensory overload that I was consistently getting from my new fine-tuned senses.

Even though the mention of Edwards name had me stiffen for a short moment, the sound of Jaspers voice as he talked calmed me infinitely more than the fear hearing Edwards name caused. Combined with the touch of his embrace I was calm enough shortly after he stopped talking to let down my shield.

We continued to sit like that for a while longer. I had tucked my head against his shirt again so I could inhale his scent more easily. I don't really know why I did it, it wasn't really a conscious decision all I knew was that I really didn't want to move. I knew that he was married to Alice and that sitting with him like this in the middle of the forest was probably highly inappropriate, but the part of me that was thinking like that was vastly overruled by the calming effect his scent had on me.

The way I could almost taste the desert sun on my tongue when I breathed in his scent along with the scent of green apples and hay, reminded me of my childhood home in Arizona and grounded me like nothing else could and relaxed the warring instincts that were constantly battling for my attention.

"You ready do get back to the house and meet Esme?"

He asked before letting go of me so we could both stand up. Some part of me regretted the fact that he was no longer touching me, but I had more important things on my mind. He had said that Esme was the only one back at the house because the others had returned to Forks to avoid suspicion, but suspicion about what?

My mind raced a thousand miles a minute until I had what seemed like the 100th epiphany since I woke up. I was a vampire now, and that meant that they would have had to fake my death. Everyone back at Forks and my mother in Jacksonville would think that I had died and here I was enjoying my new life.

Oh god, I felt terrible about myself all over again. I had not even thought about Charlie or Renee even once since I woke up.

I never answered Jaspers question, but instead asked one of my own.

"How did you do it? How did you fake my death?"

His facial expression changed from one of confusion, no doubt from the feelings he could sense from me, to worry and wariness.

"Alice drove your truck a few hundred miles from Forks and crashed it, making sure the gas tank exploded with enough force that they wouldn't expect a body."

His voice was quiet and apologizing, his eyes looking everywhere but at me.

"Oh god…"

I had an urged to close the distance between us and make him look me in the eye, but anger continued to rise within me as his words sank in.

A car crash… That would mean that Charlie most definitely would get involved when he found out, even though it most likely would be outside his jurisdiction. I never wanted him to have to deal with that. I had wanted to be a vampire when I was with Edward, but I had never thought it through to how exactly my death or disappearance would be orchestrated.

A blinding hate rose up in me to join my anger along with a return of the red haze. The anger and hate was all directed at Edward… he had led me on, had me love him with all of my heart before he ripped my life away from me in the cruelest manner possible, leaving me to die if it hadn't been for his family. And now Charlie would mourn my loss in the belief that I died running from a silly teenage argument with _him_! I felt sick…

I knew I couldn't hold back any longer and since I had no desire to take my anger out on the man who had been helping me, I instead turned around and ran at full speed till I found a rock formation not far from where we had been.

I crashed my fists into the large boulders, barely noticing the satisfying crack forming in the rocks from my punches, and kept hitting it until I was left standing in the middle of a large pile of rubble and sobs started to tear from my throat with tears that would never fall.

"I'm truly sorry Bella."

Through my sobs I heard Jaspers clear voice behind me.

"I understand that you hate us for having to do that, but we had no other choice. Had we simply let you disappear, suspicion would eventually have fallen on us with your connection to Edward having been so out in the open. It was a risk we couldn't take."

"It's not you or the family that I hate"

I snapped at him, my voice still holding the hostility that I felt towards Edward.

"It's _him_! He took everything from me; my life, my love for him and now Charlie is going to think that I died crashing my car from being upset over an argument with him."

Jasper came closer with slow movement until he was close enough to reach out for my hand.

"I know, and trust me we all resent what he did to you, which are why we are going to help you settle in to this new life."

"I don't want you to do it just because you feel bad."

I was about to turn around and take my hand back, but he held on tighter and gave it a tug so that I was facing him again.

"We are not doing it because we feel sorry for you, but because we care about you. You were part of this family even before this happened to you, and like I said before, we take care of our own."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just stared at him all the while feeling bad for having snapped at him again.

"Why don't we go back to the house? I know Esme has been worried about you and is dying to see you, and I know she'll tell you the exact same thing that I have just told you."

Words were still escaping me so I just nodded mutely while staring intensely at my now very dirty sneakers. I finally noticed as well that even though I had not felt the claws and teeth of the mountain lion, my clothes most certainly had. There were large gashes and tears in the fabric of both my jeans and shirt, and the remaining front of it was soaked with the animals' blood. I had really made a mess of myself.

I would most likely have been ten shades of red when I noticed this had I still been human.

Jasper had started running back towards the house, though he started slowly and looked back until he was certain that I was following him.

Trying to push everything away I focused on my surroundings and the thrill of the run.

I decided to push my limits to see how fast I could go, and once I had picked out our trails from the trip out, I started to push forward even faster. Jasper was fast, no doubt about it, but the strength that I put behind each step quickly had me overtaking him. I shot him a grin as I passed him and noticed his answering smirk as he increased his effort to run faster.

He was no match though, and I saw the house through the trees before he reached me.

A wind blowing from the house carried the scent of vampire. With everything that had been pushed through my head recently, I couldn't stop my instinctual response even though I knew the scent would be Esme, or at least I hoped.

Without being able to stop it, I had crouched in a defensive position, snarling at the scent, all the while my shield went up again.

I knew I was hidden in the trees that were lining the opening in which the house had been placed. I could clearly see the massive wooden house with a lake in the background, and the shape of a woman standing on the porch facing me. I couldn't see her features, she was too far away for that, but it was her scent that the wind had carried, of that I was sure.

Jasper came running through the trees seconds later with a stressed look on his face. No doubt he had heard my snarl, and he came to a stop right next to me at the edge of my shield.

When I realized that he was standing next to me I automatically expanded my shield to protect him as well, all the while keeping my eyes on the vampire with the unfamiliar scent.

"Bella, the scent you smell and the woman you see is Esme. I know the scent is unfamiliar but I assure you, she is not a threat whatsoever."

His voice was calm as was his face as he stood there looking at me, a hint of something that I couldn't identify visible in his eyes.

I tore my gaze from the woman by the house and looked him in the eyes as I let the truth of his words sink in.

Oh God! I was acting stupid! I knew Esme was waiting back at the house, yet I couldn't stop myself from freaking out the minute I catch a whiff of her scent.

"It's okay, there's no reason to feel guilty and it's a perfectly natural reaction. Just try to relax and rein in your instincts."

He looked so peaceful standing there, just looking at me.

I was so embarrassed. He had to get tired of calming me down constantly. It seemed that it really took nothing for me to lose my shit and either curl in on myself with my shield or attack at random.

Slowly I straightened out of my crouch and let my shield drop.

He took my hand again and started to lead me towards the house slowly.

"Thank you"

My voice was low and apologizing.

"For what?"

Confusion came over his features again and he slowed his walk.

"You helping me out and trying to keep me calm all the time. I know I keep freaking out on you and I really don't mean to…"

"Let me just stop you right there."

The smile on his face had returned.

"You're a newborn vampire; it's expected for you to be extremely emotional right now and ruled by your instincts. Actually you're doing better than most newborns I've ever dealt with, and let me tell you I've dealt with a lot. Yes, you have the initial instinctual reaction, but you come back from it faster than I've ever seen a newborn do before. I don't mind helping you in the least; actually I'm kind of proud that you trust me enough to let me calm you when you get overwhelmed."

I would have blushed purple by now, but I just nodded at him, studying the ground very closely as we walked at a slow human pace towards the house.

The closer we got the scent grew stronger and involuntarily my steps slowed till he was almost dragging me along.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see Esme. The sound of her voice was the strongest memory I have from when I burned though it was still blurry, but once again I couldn't help it.

"Try walking behind me Bella, it will make it easier for you."

I did what he said. Shifting my position so instead of walking beside him, I was walking behind him, clutching on to his hand with both of mine.

Once his back was covering most of my view, the uneasiness I had started to feel again settled down.

He must have sensed my confusion, because he started explaining.

"Even though you know its Esme waiting for you on the porch, she's still an unfamiliar vampire to your senses, which puts you on edge. You know I'm an older vampire than you with a lot more experience, therefore walking in a position where I can protect you if need be, calms the edginess."

We kept walking like that with me taking deep breaths of his scent from where I walked behind him to keep calm.

Finally we reached the edge of the porch.

"Hello Bella."

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**A/N: Thank you so much for reading! :) Please let me know what you think and give me a review :)**

**Next chapter will be up as soon as possible, though it will most likely not be until next week because I have some work coming up.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**__ Thank you so much all of you who have read so far, and especially those of you who leave me a review or add this to your fav/follow list. You are why I'm writing this and it literally makes my day every time that I read a review or see that there are new favs/follows to this story._

_I know I'm horribly late posting this chapter considering what I promised y'all, but life and a lot of work hours happened and my muse decided to walk away screaming at the amount of hours I've been working. Luckily she's back and it's all for a good cause since I'm studying to become a nurse and have spent my summer at my temp job at the local hospital getting as much real life experience in before school starts again in 1½ weeks. I truly hope I'm forgiven for my late update and that you will leave me a review :) _

_Just a quick reminder - English is not my native language and I have no Beta, so I apologize in advance for any and all mistakes you may find. I've read it through a couple of times to get rid of the worst of them, but nobody's perfect and a couple have probably slipped through._

**_Disclaimer:_** _I don't own anything, every recognizable part of twilight in this fanfic belongs to SM and whoever else holds the rights._

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**BPOV**

_"Hello Bella."_

Esme's voice was calm and soothing, stirring up the memories off her kind words during my burning.

I inhaled deeply, breathing in Jaspers scent, trying to center myself before I peeked out from behind him.

Ten yards ahead of me stood Esme on the dark wooden porch that ran the entire length of the house with her hands folded I front of her and a calm and caring expression on her face. She was classically dressed in a pair of black trousers with a white button-down shirt and a cream colored cardigan. She had let her caramel colored hair hand down around her shoulders, framing her heart shaped face.

Human memories of time spent around Esme and her caring nature came back to me from where they had been buried underneath the chaos of the last couple of days. My brain slowly connected the woman from my blurry human memories to the vampire in front of me as I stepped out from behind Jasper.

"Esme…"

My voice was shaky, but my mind had finally relaxed and recognized her.

Esme hadn't moved an inch. She had held her non-threatening pose, letting me make the first move, but I could see the impatience and worry in her expression mixed with the love that shone in her eyes.

I longed to run to her, to hug her.

I hadn't even made the longing a conscious decision before my hands had let go of Jasper and I had closed the distance between us.

She let out a small gasp before she closed her arms around me returning the hug.

"My, you're fast."

I choked out some strangled mix between a sob and a laugh before I let the familiarity of Esme's embrace take down the wall I had built over everything that had happened in the last days and the sobs started for real.

Her hand came up to my hair, stroking it calmly.

We stood there for a couple of minutes before my tearless sobs had calmed enough for her to get a word in.

"Why don't we go inside and get you cleaned up a bit before we talk?"

Looking down at myself I remembered my blood soaked and torn clothing and nodded mutely.

Some of the blood from my clothing had rubbed off on Esme, but she hadn't even seemed to notice.

She led me by the shoulders in through a door that opened in to the living room. The room itself was huge with a high ceiling. The glass wall opened the room up to a breathtaking look at the lake. They had left the wooden walls bare of any paint and accentuated it with wooden and leather furniture. The focus of the room was a large fireplace surrounded by a couch, chairs and a small black coffee table. In the corner was a huge flat screen TV with a couple of chairs facing it. Spread out through the rest of the room were comfy looking chairs all facing the view of the lake and the occasional bookshelf filled to the brim lined the walls.

Esme led me by the hand through the living room and up the stairs while I took in the room. It was beautiful and homey and the complete contrast to their home in Forks.

In a way that made me glad. One less thing to remind me of what I had lost.

Walking down the hallway she stopped at the last door on the right, opening the door into the room I had left only a couple hours ago to go hunting with Jasper. It seemed like forever ago, but I knew that logically it couldn't have been that long because it was still light out.

It looked exactly the same, only now I noticed the other door in the room.

Esme opened it to reveal the bathroom.

It was white tiled with a shower and a large tub.

By the sink underneath a mirror was a small stack of clothes and some towels.

"I figured you would need a change of clothes after your hunt. Just take your time and I'll wait downstairs when you're ready."

Esme smiled at me, squeezing my hand a little, before turning around and leaving me to get cleaned up.

I stepped closer to take a towel when my eyes caught my reflection in the mirror for the first time.

The first thing I noticed was the blood. It covered the lower half of my face and had dripped down to soak most of the remaining shirt. I had filled in a bit and gained a bit more curves. My hair looked wild, windblown with leaves and twigs in it and it had become more intense in color. I now had the same pale alabaster skin as the rest of them only now it didn't feel cold or like stone at all; it felt normal…

My face was next on my list of things to focus on. Every imperfection that used to define my face had been polished away by the venom, leaving only my slightly fuller lower lip.

I was barely able to recognize myself.

I was trying to take in the new overall image of me when I finally focused on my eyes.

Blood red…

The color of a newborn or human drinking vampire – the most obvious sign that I was no longer human

I don't know how long I stood there staring at the reflection of a creature that resembled me but not quite. I was numb – the emotional rollercoaster I had had a ride on since I woke up had come to a full stop, leaving me empty and numb.

Eventually there was a knock on the door.

"Bella are you all right?"

Jaspers voice was hesitant

I didn't answer, I couldn't. I just continued to stand there frozen, tracing the features of my new face reflected in the mirror.

He knocked again and again but I couldn't bring myself to move.

"Bella I'm coming in!"

He sounded worried now.

The lock on the door broke as he opened the door.

"Bella!"

He almost burst through the door but stopped dead in his tracks when he found me standing in front of the mirror.

His scent, the scent that reminded me so much of my childhood home in Arizona permeated the air in the bathroom making me close my eyes to better focus on it as I inhaled deeply.

"What's wrong?"

He stepped forward and put his hand on my arm.

It took a couple of extra seconds where I used his scent and touch to ground me before I could answer.

"I don't look like me anymore…"

"It's true you look different, but everything about you that matters the venom can't change. Your personality and kind spirit is still yours even though it doesn't feel like it right now because of your heightened instincts, but that will change. Besides if it's any consolation I think you look beautiful…"

His voice was almost a whisper in the end.

I took a moment to let his words sink in.

"But my eyes…! They're like James'"

"NO!"

His voice had lost its whispering quality.

"Your eyes are red because you are a newborn vampire with your own blood still lingering in your tissues. James and the other nomads had red eyes because they chose to kill people in order to live and if you want to we will do our best to make sure your eyes are never red from that reason."

"I don't want to hurt anybody…"

"I know, and Bella, your eyes will fade to golden in a couple of months so don't worry about that."

"Thank you… and thanks again for keeping me from another full blown freak-out…"

I finally opened my eyes to see him in the mirror standing behind me with a small smile on his lips and his hand on my arm. We made eye contact through the mirror as his had slid down my arm to hold my hand, allowing me to feel a sense of peace I only felt when he was touching me.

"You okay to get cleaned up now?"  
"Yeah… I'm pretty sure there are no more surprises hiding in here, I'll be fine."

"I'll be just down stairs if you need me."

When he left the room I took one more look in the mirror before I grabbed the towel by the sink and headed for the shower.

I wonder if I'll ever get used to the way I look now, but I have forever to do that so I suppose one day I'll feel more at home with my new looks.

I absent mindedly started to peel off the remnant of my shirt, but I forgot how much strength I have now and accidentally ripped it off… guess it's a good thing it was already ruined.

Finally, when I had discarded the rest of my clothes and placed them in the trash, I turned on the shower and stepped into the spray of the warm water.

Logically I knew that the warm water would have no effect on my muscles like when I was human, but it was still very calming to just stand there and let the water wash away the evidence of the day, trying to clear my head.

I stood there for as long as my conscience would let me. I mean the Cullens could probably afford the water bill no matter how high it would be, but that didn't mean that I wanted to use up the Canadian water supply. I know I'm exaggerating, but still, you get the point.

I got dressed again, carefully, this time in another pair of jeans with a red long sleeve top. I'm thankful it's Esme here and not Alice, at least not yet, because I don't think I would get away with wearing jeans if she were here and I'm really not up for playing Bella Barbie any time soon.

I let my hair air dry and combed my fingers through it while I practiced walking at a human pace downstairs.

My eyes automatically zeroed in on Jasper when he came into view. He was sitting in one of the oversized armchairs by the fireplace, which was lit now, with some kind of large book in his lap and a focused look on his face.

Esme was flitting around the room cleaning, even though I'm pretty sure everything was already spotless.

My feet started to automatically carry me in Jaspers direction, but I changed direction slightly when I noticed and sat down on the far end of the couch next to him while my fingers were trying to work out the never ending supply of knots in my hair.

He looked up from his book when I sat down and I was awarded with a small smile.

"You feeling better?"

I nodded while pretending that my hair was taking all of my focus so that I could avoid eye-contact. I knew he said that he was glad to help me, but I was still embarrassed at being this emotional wreck all of the time.

"Here, let me help you with that"

I looked up from my mess of tangled hair to find Esme standing next to me with a brush in her hand.

"You don't have to, I can do it myself."

"Of course you can. I just remember that as a human girl, some of my favorite memories included having my hair brushed by my mother. I always found it very relaxing."

I hesitated a bit, but couldn't say no when I saw the loving expression she had on her face. Nodding my head she gestured for me to take a place on the floor I front of her where she had sat on the couch next to me.

It was a bit foreign to me, Renée had always been moving too fast for us to partake in such a quiet mother-daughter activity, but once she got started I couldn't help my eyes from closing and a relaxed sigh from escaping my lips. It felt amazing the way the brush and her fingers massaged my scalp while working out the knots in my hair.

My thoughts drifted from Renée to Charlie. He would be alone again and this time I would be "dead" and not just off somewhere with my mother. Was he eating or taking care of himself at all?

"Is it possible to have someone check on Charlie? Make sure that he's eating?"

My voice was a whisper. I didn't want to disrupt this peaceful moment by talking loudly and considering the emotional topic I'm not entirely sure I could have spoken up anyway.

"Alice actually already did that honey. She last said that he was spending a lot of time on the reservation with the Blacks. She said they called a lot while she was visiting him to help with the memorial service."

My worries for Charlie quieted a bit when Esme told me this. I was glad he had someone to hold him up and drag him out fishing instead of wallowing or working around the clock.

"When's it going to be?"

"Tomorrow. The Blacks had almost convinced your father that it should be held at First Beach, but Alice managed to talk him out of it so they could attend. It was moved to the high school on the notion that it would be a more convenient trip for everyone attending from Forks."

"I thought that was all just legend, the part about why you guys never came to the reservation.

Esmes hands stilled in my hair and I felt her turn behind me and in my peripheral I noticed Jasper abandon his attempts at reading and focus on the two of us.

"You know about the Quileute's?"

Jaspers tone was a bit harsh but the underlying confusion was clear.

"Of course I do, it's one of the reasons I figured out what you were to begin with, the legend of the Cold Ones. Jacob told me about how the Quileute's descend from wolves and that his ancestors made some kind of treaty with a group of cold ones, supposedly you, so they wouldn't come on their land. Jacob didn't even really believe in it himself, that's why he told me. He really never told you how I figured out what you were?"

"No, he never would. It annoyed Alice to no end that she didn't know, she never got the vision."

"But the Quileute's really have a treaty that keeps you off their land?"

"Yes, and we're really not keen on breaking it any further when it's pretty dangerous shifting wolves enforcing it. We thought they were extinct when we moved back, but Carlisle was approached a few months ago by the new leader of the wolves. So far there are only three but we don't know if there'll be more."

Jaspers posture was stiff and his expression shifted from murderous anger in the beginning to a more somber one as he finished talking.

"Breaking it any further…?"

Esmes hands started to weave through my hair again but without the brush this time.

Jasper held my questioning look while he answered.

"The key point in the treaty, the part the wolves are willing to go to war with us over, is that we're not allowed to _bite_, not just kill, a human. Edward pretty much condemned us when he attacked you if the wolves ever find out, that's why it's so important for Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie to keep up the pretense of our cover-up back in Forks."

Cold fear had replaced the venom in my veins while he talked.

It's not just Edward who's a potential danger but a pack of dangerous shape-shifting wolves too…? And they're risking everything by staying back in Forks…

I had drawn my knees up to my chest and was hugging them fiercely while burying my head in the effort to rein in the instinct to put up my shield. The danger wasn't imminent, close by or even something putting up my shield right now would help, but that didn't take away the need to protect myself and others that the fear brought.

I felt Esmes arms come around me when she moved from the couch behind me to sit on the floor beside me.

I had started to rock back and forth with the effort to hold back my shield. The self-preservation instinct was roaring inside my head, demanding that I listen, blocking out the world around me.

That is until something touched my hand and a small amount of calm broke through allowing me to hear Jaspers voice.

"It's okay, lust let it go."

My feeble attempt to hold back my instincts fell through and my shield snapped up around the three of us. I let out a sigh as I felt it take hold and the world around me come into focus once again.

I lifted my head from my knees and was met with the sight of Jaspers worried eyes. He had crouched down in front of me holding my hand while Esme still sat beside me with one arm still around my shoulders while she was looking at the hum of clear energy around us with an awestruck gaze.

Involuntarily I started to let go of my legs and leaned forward. Jasper must have sensed my intention because a second later I was enveloped in his arms with my head tucked beneath his chin and my face buried in his chest allowing me to inhale his scent greedily.

"How did you know?"

My voice was small and wavering.

"I felt your fear before it started to flicker and took a guess that you were trying to suppress your instincts to put up your shield."

One of his hands started to stroke up and down my back. It felt so nice I wished for a small moment that we could just stay here like this forever.

"You shouldn't try to fight it Bella. It's more than okay to put up your shield when you feel like you need to. It's beautiful and I'm so grateful that you want to include us in your protection."

"Esme is right Bella."

Jaspers arms tightened around me for a second.

"Don't ever try to fight the need to put up your shield; someday it might be the difference between life and death, even though I greatly hope it never comes that far."

Jaspers voice was low in my ear and I could feel the rumbling of it in his chest.

I let go of the rest of the tension in my body and let the shield drop.

"I didn't mean to frighten you, but we think it's important that you're aware of the situation"

Jaspers voice held regret.

"I want to know too, _he_ never told me anything that might scare me and I used to worry myself sick. I'm sorry I react this strongly, I don't usually, maybe all this just has me a bit shell shocked…"

Esme was the one to respond while she started stroking my hair again.

"This is nothing Bella, its natural. You should have seen me the first days when I woke up. They had their hands full. If I wasn't attacking them at a moment's notice, I was crying – well trying to, laughing or some other exaggerated emotion. I promise we won't try to keep information from due to how you react now."

I couldn't for the life of me picture Esme as anything but the calm and collected mother-figure I had come to know. A small laugh escaped my lips at the absurdity of the mental image conjured of Esme acting like an emotional teen-ager.

"I would have liked to have seen that."

I could feel Jasper chuckle and lifted my head to look at his face.

"You and me both Bella"

That smirk I had become fond of decorated his face again.

I had to distract myself from reaching up to touch his face in front of Esme so I turned to Esme and did my best pouting look.

"Tell us a story from back then, please?"

Esme got a mischievous glint in her eyes when she saw my expression.

"All right, where to begin?"

"It was about 6 months after I woke up as a vampire. I had been going a little stir crazy locked up in our house at the time with only Carlisle and Edward for company, so that I could avoid human interaction. As you know Carlisle is a very old-fashioned man and he was still very much in the process of wooing me. Every time when he came home from the hospital he was working at he would bring me a bouquet of flowers to mask the scent of humans clinging to his clothes until he could change them, and he would take me out on moonlight walks and steal kisses here and there. He pretty much did everything he could to try and brighten my days, but there's only so much decorating and gardening one can do with your emotions and mind all over the place, and besides Edward had put his foot down after the third time I evicted him from his room so I could redecorate it. So I had turned my attention to baking and wanted to try that out. There was an orphanage in the village near us that always needed food donations and I wanted to do what I could for the children. Carlisle of course supported me and brought home all of the supplies needed one day, insisting we make it a family effort. None of us really knew how to bake, I had lost most of the memories I had of cooking and Edward and Carlisle never had to when they were human, but I figured we could just follow a cookbook. It was a disaster. The dough was all lumpy and Carlisle and Edward just stood there with the cookbook making contradictory comments on how I should proceed. After about five minutes I was literally seeing red from trying to follow their instructions and wound up throwing a bag of flour square in their faces to shut them up. That of course escalated to a full out flour fight and I ended up redoing the kitchen afterwards just to get it clean."

I couldn't contain my giggles at the end. Poor dignified Carlisle must really have been head over heels if he was willing to engage in a food fight for her.

I tried my hardest to block any thoughts of Edward that her story brought out, choosing instead to focus on Jasper chuckling behind me and letting the peace of his touch influence me. I wanted to be happy in this moment instead of repaying their efforts by wallowing in the pain that I felt lurking beneath the surface.

"Bella"

Esme reclaimed my attention. By the look on her face my features must have been betraying my line of thought.

"I know the rest of the family would like to talk to you on the phone when you feel like it."

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**A/N:**_ Soo... Please let me know what you think and if you have any ideas for the future plot of the story :P_

_I don't know when I'll be able to update again because of school starting up again and all, but trust me when I say that it will be as soon as possible :)_


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